Williams


 * San Williams **

//Paste the appropriate portion of your essay in the spaces below. Note: we may not have enough time to post every part of your essay even though there are sections for each.//


 * __Thesis Statement:__**

__Comments:__ you need a thesis statement (Wilkins) yes, yes he does (will) get a thesis(justin) YOU NEED A THESIS (McGooglez) (im gonna get you for what you did) you need a thesis DAVID Thesis needs A LOT of work(jonathan) -This line explains how it is fates fault for there death. It is showing why Juliet is killing herself so she could live out the “Religion as Love” belief that was just being founded in Shakespeare’s time. Which means that they would be together even after death. This is an example of fate killing them so they could be together forever…. The perfect love cliché. The “star-cross’d” part is explaining how fate is the thing that tied these to together. It shows how no one could have stopped these events from happening for it was already chosen by fate. This is one of the main reasons that fate plays a big role in the death of Romeo and Juliet.
 * __Body Paragraph 1:__**
 * “O happy dagger! This is thy sheath. There rust, and let me die.”(Juliet) **
 * A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life” (Prologue) **

__Comments:__ put your paragraphs in essay form "there" in line 2 should be "their" what do you mean "live out love as religion" add more to that say the scene, act, and line numbers (Wilkins) It's good, but you just might want to change it, it sounds a little weird the way you have it.-Will Don't go on and on about fate and just stratching the surface go deeper and hit on the major meanings of your paragraph-geeza Ya put it into paragrpah form and CITE TEH QUOTEz (McGooglez) do not just unpack your quotes...NOT A PARAGRAPH! Make it into a paragraph, now (jonathan)

make this an essay. dont just explain quotes but make good points-julian -This foreshadows that someone’s fate would be the same as Mercutio -this quote demonstrates how Romeo was tricked into loving Juliet by fate. He had just before been obsessing over Rosaline but soon
 * __Body Paragraph 2:__**
 * 'This day's black fate on mo days doth depend; this but begins the woe others must end.'(Romeo) **
 * 'O I am fortunes fool' (Romeo) **

__Comments:__ finish your second sentence and put the act and line numbers (Wilkins) It's really short, and you need to put it in essay format, and also, don't just dissect quotes, tell part of the story to help your argument.-Will put more length on this paragraph-geeza Add more detail and put the outline in paragrpah form (McGooglez) once again not a paragraph! DAVID make an essay-julian go into more detail about your quotes(jonathan) **Either my eyesight fails, or thou lookest pale. (Juliet)** This is like a premonition or a prediction of fate. ** 'A greater power than we can contradict Hath thwarted our intents: come, come away.'(Friar Lawrence) ** This is what Friar Lawrence says and fate is the thing that caused it to happen. __Comments:__ explain what the quotes mean in terms of the wholse story (Wilkins) Seriously, you need to stop just doing the quotes and tell part of the story -Will put more explaination into your quotes, they make up 5/7 of yhis paragraph-geeza Put in paragraph form, explain quotes, and CITE 'EM (McGooglez) you need to actually explain your quotes DAVID Explain your quotes. right now, it seems like your paragraph is basically made up of quotes(jonathan) dont just explain quotes-julian
 * Body Paragraph 3:**
 * “O God, I have an ill-divining soul! **
 * Methinks I see thee, now thou art so low, **
 * As one dead in the bottom of a tomb. **
 * __Intro:__**

__Comments:__

GET AN INTRO (McGooglez) Insert intro here _____ (jonathan)


 * __Conclusion:__**

__Comments:__ you need a conclusion (Wilkins) yes-Will indeed-geeza GET A CONCLUSION (McGooglez) agreed(jonathan)

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