Jones


 * Allen Jones **

//Paste the appropriate portion of your essay in the spaces below. Note: we may not have enough time to post every part of your essay even though there are sections for each.//

Although appearing to be a benevolent and helpful role model, Friar Lawrence’s irresponsible actions directly caused Romeo’s death.
 * __Thesis Statement:__**

__Comments:__ Thesis Statment needs a thesis paragraph -Jonathan Good thesis though -Jonathan Elaborate, please. -Dean It really doesn't explain everything.-CB

Friar Lawrence’s irresponsibility becomes apparent when Romeo first visits him. Romeo, hormones raging, asks the Friar to marry him and Juliet, whom he just met. Friar Lawrence is amazed at how quickly Romeo forgot Rosaline. “Young men’s love then lies/ Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.” (2.3.67-68) Here, the Friar displays that he know this is just a fleeting crush, but he agrees to marry Romeo and Juliet anyway. “These violent delights have violent ends,/ And in their triumph die like fire and powder…” (2.6.10-11) As he speaks to the new couple, Friar Lawrence knows how their relationship is most likely going to end. They are going to realize it is just infatuation and split up. (this is not finished)
 * __Body Paragraph 1:__**

__Comments:__ What does Roseline have to do with this?-CB

His amazement shows that he's observent and cares about Romeo -Jonathan

(tech difficulties)
 * __Body Paragraph 2:__**

__Comments:__

(tech difficulties)
 * Body Paragraph 3:**

__Comments:__

In //Romeo and Juliet//, many different characters influence the ill-fated couple, in both helpful and unhelpful ways. People who are entrusted with the well-being of Romeo and Juliet, like Friar Lawrence, should provide prudent advice, not rash, hasty scheming. Unfortunately, that is what Romeo and Juliet get. Although appearing to be a benevolent and helpful role model, Friar Lawrence’s irresponsible actions directly caused Romeo’s death.
 * __Intro:__**

__Comments:__ I like this paragraph alot. I completley agree with you on how Friar Lawrence should have provided useful advice instead of what he did, Good Job-Niels Good intro, you need to stick with it throughout the essay.-CB

(tech difficulties)
 * __Conclusion:__**

__Comments:__

- PEER REVIEW - COLIN CAMPBELL Jonesy, so far you have a good start, but the thesis statement leaves a little to be desired. I think you could elaborate just a touch. You make a good point about how he realizes that their relationship will last not very long but how he marries them anyway. Your first quote is quite good. The intro uses very many interesting words.

Good thesis-jack Need to explain quotes more by saying what they mean and not what the setting of them is-jack Quotes don't really match thesis-jack need 2 more paragraphs-Jack

Overall (at least from what I can see), it's pretty well written. Explain quotes more instead of just summarizing. -Dean

You need a paragraph to support your thesis statement. Good argument other than the fact that there is no explanation. Good quotes and explanation in the first paragraph but more explanation. Where are all the other paragraphs? And where are all the quotes? What are your arguments? ( Harrison Butker)

Good paper, try to explain your thesis more though. good quotes and explanations, but make your arguments a little more clear. - Ryan

I think this paper would be much better with two more body paragraphs and a conclusion. (zander) Period 2 Home Page

Period 2 Essay Page