Capper


 * Chip Capper **

//Paste the appropriate portion of your essay in the spaces below. Note: we may not have enough time to post every part of your essay even though there are sections for each.//


 * __Thesis Statement:__**

__Comments:__ needs thesis (jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle__**

Yeah, blame the innocent monk (Kevin) Not good thesis but very good intro.- Jax End the paragraph with a stronger sentence, make an argument (Burge)
 * Need a Thesis Statment


 * __Body Paragraph 1:__**

__Comments:__ i see no paragraph (jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle:__**

Spelling and formatting - mainly about citations. You need to link these quotes to the thesis. (KD) Good quote but a better explanation would be nice.-Jax More natural lead in to the quotes, take a little more time explaining them (Burge)
 * Add more detail
 * Check wording (and usage)
 * first quote
 * Add more explanation to qoutes


 * __Body Paragraph 2:__**

__Comments:__ i see no paragraph (jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle:__**
 * Add more detail
 * Add more explanation to qoutes

I'm not sure I agree with this argument, but the quotes are good. (KD) Quotes are to random, and the description is very vague.-Jax Doesn't explain how it is his fault, make it more clear (Burge)
 * Body Paragraph 3:**

__Comments:__ i see no paragraph (jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle:__**
 * Add more detail
 * Add more explanation to qoutes
 * check sent. #4

Great paragraph. It does an excellent job of tying the thesis with the quotes. (XD) Good ending paragraph, it finishes your thoughts well. How is the plague the fault of friar lawrence? Even if he had tried to deliver the letter the plague would still miss him (Burge)
 * __Intro:__**

__Comments__ i see no paragraph still (jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle:__**

Well, the plan was okay. But he does have to think a bit more. Good introduction to preparing the reader (KD) Your attempt of a thesis was better than this, but both work. More descriptive and argumental (Burge)
 * Make the paragraph a little longer
 * Check grammar and word usage
 * like last sentence
 * Add more detail
 * __Conclusion:__**

__Comments:__ i see nothing(jonathan)
 * __John McGonigle:__**


 * Make the paragraph a little longer
 * Add more detail

Need to extend paragraph. It's only one sentence long. Try adding a bit more detail- kind of like summarizing (Kevin) Finish with a bang, not this weak stuff- Jax. Restate topic sentences and thesis in different words (Burge) Period 3 Home Page Period 3 Essay Page