Hayes

Zander Hayes Period 2 3/18/09 Juliet’s Death is Friar Lawrence’s Fault  Juliet’s death is Friar Lawrence’s fault because he is reckless, irresponsible, and unpunctual. Despite wisdom of possible consequences, he still agrees to marry Romeo and Juliet. Friar Lawrence also cooks up a hare-brained scheme to save Romeo and Juliet’s marriage instead of telling the truth to the Montagues and Capulets. Even worse, Friar Lawrence also failed to save Juliet from suicide in the Capulet’s tombs. __**use a better word that unpunctual, that sounds wrong. say, and was never punctual. hare-brained scheme seems to be a little bit informal for this paper.**__ change the title(its too specific)-zack Good thesis, but explain more-Jack When Friar Lawrence agreed to marry Romeo and Juliet, he says “These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die like fire and powder.” (2.6.9-11) This is clearly showing that Friar Lawrence thinks that the marriage will end in tragedy. This also displays foreshadowing to what will happen later in the play. “Till holy church incorporate two in one.” (2.6.37) This can hardly be considered a proper religious ceremony; seeing as the wedding is a secret, and both Romeo and Juliet are under 16. Nowadays in order to get married before 16 people have to have parental consent from both sets of parents. That is just another example of how Friar Lawrence is a irresponsible friar.
 * Comments: Good, but replace unpunctual. -Dean**

You need to explain more about why it is the Friar's fault. You might want to get more descriptive too.-TP The quotes need more explanation. The explanations explain the setting of the quote, not what it means.-Jack Don't say as much about what's going on, say about why you think it's friar lawrences fault for Romeo's death-zack In act four, scene one, Friar Lawrence hears from Juliet that she will be married to Paris in a few days. Instead of telling the truth to the Montagues and Capulets, Friar Lawrence thinks up a crazy scheme to save Romeo and Juliet’s marriage. “Take thou this vial, being then in bed and this distilling liquor drink thou off.” (4.1.93-101) Friar Lawrence is giving a 13 year old girl a powerful poison which will allow her to deceiving her parents. “He (Romeo) and I shall watch thy waking, and that very night shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua.” (4.1.115-118) Friar Lawrence is assisting Juliet to run away from home and never return home. That doesn’t seem very Christian. Make more sentences to lengthen your description.-TP More Explanaion of thou quotes-jack In act five, scene three, Friar Lawrence is trying to save Juliet, and try is the best he did. “Come from that nest of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep.” (5.3.151-152) Friar Lawrence is basically telling Juliet to leave the side of her dead husband and come to him. Surely there is something more persuasive than “come here?” He knew how much Juliet and Romeo loved each other, and should have expected that Juliet would be reluctant about abandoning her love. “As the time and place doth make against me, of this direful murder; and here I stand both to impeach and purge myself condemned and myself excused.” (5.3.223-226) Friar Lawrence had been creeping around the churchyard, instead of trying to help the watch sort out what had happened. Now that Friar Lawrence finally tells the Montagues and Capulets about the secret marriage. Unfortunately, he told too late to help at all. To his credit, because Friar Lawrence told the families about what happened, their feud was finally resolved. If he had not, there would have been all-out war because the families would have blamed each other for the deaths. Still, if Friar Lawrence had told the families when Juliet was announced to be married to Paris then the feud would have been resolved then and Romeo Juliet and Paris would all still be alive. Try to relate your explanations to the thesis a little more-Jack quotes need more unpacking and alot more stuff to change, and i think that you could clean up some informal vocabulary and use some more mature language. This paragraph is more convincing, but add more "meat"-TP Good-zack Good paper, just try to explain a little more. - ryan
 * Comments: It's too short, and the quotes need more explanation. -Dean**
 * i agree with dean, the quotes are just alright, but they need more explaination. All you really do with the quotes is say exactly what they do, you don't "unpack" them much.**
 * Comments: Needs more introduction and explanations. -Dean**
 * Your ending leads much to be desired. that doesn't seem very christian doesn't seem like a very good way to end a paragraph.**
 * Comments: Good overall, just explain things more and add a conclusion. -Dean**

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