Heazel


 * Jackson Heazel **

//Paste the appropriate portion of your essay in the spaces below. Note: we may not have enough time to post every part of your essay even though there are sections for each.//

Friar Lawrence and Lord Capulet both contributed to Romeo and Juliet’s unexpected deaths.
 * __Thesis Statement:__**

__Comments:__ make it more interesting (julian) Needs to be more outright and argumental. (Burge) Good thesis but it's broad and it'll be harder to get directly at what your writing-geeza

Friar Lawrence without knowing, killed Romeo. He gave into what he knew was wrong and killed him with his terrible plan to try and help Juliet. His idea was to deliver a letter to Romeo explaining the plan and how to get him and Juliet together. When Friar John went to deliver the letter he couldn’t find Romeo, and now because of Friar Lawrence being lazy people are dead. “I could not send it, nor get a messenger to thee,” were the words of Friar John as the plan slowly started to crater. When his messenger couldnt deliever the letter explaining the plan it made Romeo think that Juliet was dead. He took his life to be with her, but the only problem was she wasnt dead, yet...
 * __Body Paragraph 1:__**

__Comments:__ .need more interesting opening sentance .frier didnt intentionally kill romeo .short and choppy . need more substance and introduce more (julian) Lengthen the paragraph- 2 quotes, explain a little bit more about your points.(Burge) Too much summarizing. Find another quote and connect them to your argument. Some grammatical problems- next to last sentence. Word Choice on last word. (Kevin) you need 2 quotes per paragraph, explain your quote more-geeza Lord Capulet was a terrible father towards Juliet and made her want to commit suicide. Juliet was obsessed with the word “love” and her father knew that. He though the fued was more important than his realtionship with his daughter. When he said that she would have to marry Paris it made her go to drastic measures to get out of it. Juliet once said, “O bid me leap, rather than marry Paris.” In the end this quote explains itself.
 * __Body Paragraph 2:__**

__Comments:__ . this makes no since. did u blow a .5 on the breathalizer before writing this lol I agree, maybe they legalized marijuana, not 2 quotes, i can't even read it understanding it. Quotes. I can't quite see the connection between sentences. (KD) it impossible to read-geeza

Friar Lawrence is more to blame for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet because he made one bad decision that affected both of them. When Juliet came begging to him he should have said no and just let her pay the consequences. He once told her, “Take thou this vial, being then in bed” Friar Lawrence is trying to encourage her to not follow his plan and marry Paris even if she doesn’t love him. Of course he gave in and agreed to help, but his idea was the changing point in this story. Faking a suicide is normally not the best course of action in this situation.
 * Body Paragraph 3:**

__Comments:__ need more work and think out ur topic more (julian) need 2 quotes, only talk about the death of one of the people, not both. (Burge) Quotes. It feels like you're just picking stuff out of a bag and throwing it together. (XD) stop just trying to add thinggs that don't go together and get 2 quotes per para.-geeza Friar Lawrence gave into Juliets begging and tried to work his way out of it with a risky plan. Lord Capulet forced Juliet to marry Paris which made her fake suicide just to get out of it. In the end Lord Capulet’s and Friar Lawrence’s actions killed both beauty and the beast.
 * __Intro:__**

__Comments:__ make more interesting (julian) Include thesis, Juliet never actually married Paris (Burge) Too much summarizing. Romeo is too feminine to be a beast. (KD) don't add so much info it gets jumbled up and confusing to read-geeza Lord Capulet and Friar Lawrence killed both of our lovers in this book. First there was the plan to get Juliet out of a wedding her father forced her into. This was all a bad idea and in the end Lord Capulet’s act of selfishness killed his own daughter and Friar Lawrence was to lazy to save Romeo’s life.
 * __Conclusion:__**

__Comments:__ make longer and summerize your hole essay It should be a paragraph basically rewording your thesis and topic sentences (Burge) One sentence paragraphs are bad because they show your laziness. (KD) Get more info so you don't get a F.-geeza

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