Campbell


 * Colin ""chunky" "soupy" "mm mm good"" Campbell **

//Paste the appropriate portion of your essay in the spaces below. Note: we may not have enough time to post every part of your essay even though there are sections for each.//


 * __Thesis Statement:__**

Friar Lawrence is directly responsible for the death of Juliet in all ways. he makes not only one, but three mistakes that all lead to Juliet's death. He gave a poison to Juliet, he trusted someone else with a letter of great significance to deliver to Romeo, and he fled when Juliet was in the most danger at the tomb. Had he not have made these three major terrible mistakes, Juliet might not have died.

__Comments:__ Its good but its a bit repetitive because every sentence except for the first one starts with he. Also check the punctuation in the second sentence. -CB

Good Thesis -Jonathan Change last sentence of first paragraph to be more affirmative -Jonathan I would try to find another way to say "responsible for the death of Juliet in all ways" - Jonesy Capitalize the beginning of the 2nd sentence - Jonesy Paragraph 2- Just remember that the fake poison wouldn’t do anything bad to her body, only knock her out -Jonathan Good thesis and ideas-JACK good way to start off paper-zack


 * __Body Paragraph 1:__**

Friar Lawrence made a major mistake that he could have avoided himself. He trusted Juliet, an unstable teenage girl, with a fake-death poison. This is about as rash a decision as one could make. Here, the friar shows his irresponsibility by saying, "If... thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself... take thou this vial... no warmth, no breath shall testify thou livest;" (4.1.72, 93, 98) Friar Lawrence's idea for Juliet is very risky and he should have known better than to try it. Because of what happens, everyone thinks Juliet is dead and shortly thereafter, she is buried alive. Capulet is even foiled by the plan, because when he says her faking her death, he said, "Death lies on her like an untimely frost." (4.5.28) The fake death has fooled Capulet, Juliet's father, and the rest of the family. Had Friar Lawrence not have given Juliet the poison, she would have never been put in the position that she was in, which eventually lead to her death.

__Comments:__ This has good points and good quotes, though you might want to explain yourself more on the last one. The third sentence sounds a bit awkward.-CB good quotes, but explain them a little more - Jonesy the last sentence is a little awkwardly put together - Jonesy Explain the meaning of the quote more not just the setting of it-jack explain more of why the quote is important instead of whatj's going on-zack


 * __Paragraph 2:__**

Trusting Friar John to send the letter, and not even telling him that the letter was urgent, was Friar Lawrence's next big mistake. The mistake of him sending someone else to do it was inexcusable; a matter as important as faking death should be dealt with personally. Had Friar Lawrence have personally delivered the letter, the plan might have gone smoothly. Friar John shows his incompetence in the fifth act when he says "I could not send it - here it is again -" (5.2.14). Showing Friar Lawrence's poor decision making again, this quote perfectly shows how Friar Lawrence is responsible for Juliet's death by choosing to send the letter instead of delivering it. At that, he should not have trusted someone as mediocre as Friar John. "The letter was not nice but full of charge, of dear import, and the neglecting it may do much danger." (5.2.18-20) Friar John trusted a complete buffoon at the most crucial of times and the price was paid for the actions of both friars. Friar Lawrence could have easily avoided the situation..

__Comments:__ Again you have good quotes but you might want to go into them with greater depth. Also use more transition words to make it flow more.-CB Good quote-jack good-zack


 * __Paragraph 3__**

is cowardice, plain and simple, was also another reason why Friar lawrence was responsible for Juliet's death. He runs away when Juliet needs him the most, and in leaving her alone, she kills herself. In the tomb scene, Friar Lawrence attempt's to help Juliet before running away. "(Friar Lawrence): Stay not to question, for the Watch is coming. Come go, good Juliet, I dare no longer stay. (Juliet): Go get thee hence, for I will not away." Friar Lawrence puts himself before Juliet, and worries about getting caught by the watch. He leaves Juliet when she needs him most. Had he not have left the tomb, then she might not have had the opportunity to kill herself, as you can see she does in the following quote. "Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger, [//taking Romeo's dagger.//] this is thy sheath; [//stabs herself.//]" (5.3.169) Juliet says these final words before killing herself. We see here what results directly from Friar Lawrence leaving the scene when he should have stayed. had he stayed, he could have at least attempted to wrench the dagger from her hand, or comforted her until she let go of the knife. Instead, he chose to run for his own safety, away from the watchmen, and because of this final, terrible choice, Juliet ends up dead.

__Comments:__ Both quotes are good but I dont see how ithey apply to the argument, either explain them more or get new ones. -Cb This a very good paragraph, the last sentence is a little too broken up by commas. See if you can word it better. - Jonesy wheres the rest of the paragraph?-zack


 * __Intro:__**

In William Shakespeare's play, //Romeo and Juliet,// one of the main characters, Juliet, commits suicide near the end of the play. Friar Lawrence is directly responsible for the death of Juliet in all ways. he makes not only one, but three mistakes that all lead to Juliet's death. He gave a poison to Juliet, he trusted someone else with a letter of great significance to deliver to Romeo, and he fled when Juliet was in the most danger at the tomb. Had he not have made these three major terrible mistakes, Juliet might not have killed herself.

__Comments:__ You are stating the obvious in the first sentence, make it more powerful and opinionated. - Jonesy


 * __Conclusion:__**

Friar John makes many bad choices throughout the play; choices that are inexcusable. When he made such terrible choices, he inevitably doomed Juliet to her death. His irresponsible choices, trusting Juliet with poison, giving the letter to Friar John, and running away at the tomb, were awful choices. He consistently shows that he is an awful decision maker, and he is entirely responsible for Juliet's death. One could even say he is more responsible for the death than Juliet herself.

__Comments:__ Good last paragraph, you really explained the whole paper, nice work. -CB good tie in to intro-jack good ending-zack Great thesis statement, it really sums up your paper. All of the quotes fit why Friar lawrence killed Juliet. I completely agree that Juliet died due to Friar Lawrence's actions. Also the Conclusion sums up the whole paper extremely well. Overall, excellent paper. (Jason Fromal)

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