Bennett

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 * Connor "The Liuetenant"** **Bennett**


 * __Thesis Statement:__** Throughout the play of //Romeo and Juliet//, Romeo sets many examples on how not to be a masculine man. Masculinity, by the dictionary’s definition, means to have qualities of being masculine, or of being manly. In ancient times, //real// men were known for being strong, fearless, and making difficult decisions. Romeo sets terrible examples on how to be a man; in fact he shows us exactly how not to be a man, whether it is with his actions or his decision making..

__Comments:__ You need to work on your thesis statement/ opening statement because there is really no argument stated. (Harrison Butker) Try to find a better definition for masculinity. (Harrison Butker) That is role reversal, and it is a theme throughout the play. (zander) Definition helps out paragraph -Jonathan okay the definition is good, but you said he sets terrible examples more times than i can count. he sets many examples, terrible examples, shows us exactly how not to be a man, etc. might want to vary it up a bit. colin put the definition in the thesis
 * __Body Paragraph 1:__** Actions can tell a lot about a person at first glance, and with Romeo’s actions anyone can tell that he is a non-masculine effeminate teenager. In act 3 scene 3, the Nurse is telling Romeo to stop being a baby and go see Juliet. “…Stand up, stand up, stand, and you be a man:/For Juliet’s sake, for her sake, rise and stand up.”(3.3.88-89.) This quote is a good example on how Romeo is a terrible example of being masculine. Whenever an old women has to tell a teenage boy to stand up and be a man, that in it’s self is saying something on how “masculine he is”. Also at this very moment a girl, Juliet, is doing the exact same thing Romeo is doing. “Tut, I have lost myself, I am not here,/ This is not Romeo, he’s some other where.”( 1.1.188.) This is a perfect quote because it shows how soft and unmanly Romeo is. When Romeo finds out that Roseline isn’t the girl for him, he gets all mushy. This so called man gets so caught up about his “lady” that his whole life got turned around. Any true man would of shaken it off and go out and find someone else.

__Comments:__ Try to find a better second quote or explain what is going on in the second quote. The readers don't know what Romeo is doing or what is happening. (Harrison Butker) You also need to show who is talking.(Harrison Butker) Commas needed in first sentence -Jonathan good first sentence but explain more-zack once again, role reversal is a large part of the play (zander) your quotes leave a bit to be desired, they're okay but they definitely need to be explained much better. colin


 * __Body Paragraph 2:__**Romeo makes some pretty bad decisions that were caused by his non-masculinity feelings.“Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee/ Doth much excuse the appertaining rage/ To such a greeting. Villain am I none;/ Therefore farewell, I see thou knowest me not.” 3.1.55. This quote is a prime example of how being non-masculine can influence Romeo. He was being a girl and trying to get out of a fight, which is pretty wimpy and feminine to do. Not only did he not fight, but his best friend fought for him. When another man has to fight for you, that means that he thinks that you are weak and need someone to look out for you. Mercutio fighting for Romeo, ultimately lead to his own death. So if Romeo wasn’t so much of a wussy and fought for himself, Mercutio wouldn’t be killed by Tybalt. “By a name/ I know not how to tell thee who I am./ My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee;/ Had I it written, I would tear the word.” 2.2.53-57. This quote is significant because it is when he says that he will give up his name just to be with her. Also, he is saying that he would give over his life to her. Which turned out to be terrible decision because she, through many ways, ended being the death of him.

__Comments:__ Good quotes but I think that you could go deeper in explaining them. ( Harrison Butker) You hit the points of explaining the topics but just go a little bit deeper to find the big meaning. (Harrison Butker) giving up his name and life for Juliet is just showing his love for her. (zander) Put all line numbers after the quote -Jonathan good-zack __Comments:__ Again you need to go to the deeprer meaning of the quote and make sure to put your Act. Scene. Line in parentheses. (Harrison Butker) a litte complicated-zack Kind of confusing why it's not ok to be hurt after love, clear things up -Jonathan
 * Body Paragraph 3:**Sometimes emotions can get the best of someone, but in Romeo’s case, feminine emotions pretty much control his life. “Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,/ Too rude, too boist’rous, and it pricks like thorn.” 1.4.25-26. This quote is important because Romeo is saying that he has been hurt and roughed up by love. Its ok to be a little downhearted after a relationship, but it’s not ok to be hurt and feel like a thorn is driving into the skin. “Love goes toward lave as schoolboys from their books,/ But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.” 2.2.156. This quote is when Romeo and Juliet are talking out on the balcony, and he is comparing himself to a schoolboy. Whenever someone is compared to a schoolboy, that person obviously isn’t mature, and if it’s a boy, not very masculine. (I need something else to say in this paragraph, it really doesn’t talk about my point.)


 * __Intro:__**

__Comments:__

yea, we know he sets terrible examples, and shows us how to be a woman. you said this EXACT thing at least ten times. colin __Comments:__
 * __Conclusion:__** Romeo sets terrible examples for all men with his behavior in //Romeo and Juliet.// (I also need more on this one.)

I guess you've already said it, YOU NEED MORE! (Harrison Butker). (My other comments are below each body paragraph). (Harrison Butker) good conclusion-zack

Might want to say that Shakespeare was the one to make Romeo look unmasculine instead of saying how Romeo makes himself look unmasculine. Well written paper and all the quotes are good. Your quotation form isn't good though if they are talking you need three quotation marks. Also, make your conclusion paragraph longer. Overall, good paper and nice writing. (Jason Fromal) jason makes a good point that SHAKESPEARE made romeo look unmasculine. your quotes need some beter explaining, definitly, but other than that not bad. I think you could use a more grown up vocabulary though, you kind of sound like your 5 in a couple sentences. and i mean that as constructive critisism. colin

Define your thesis better, check your grammar, and work on other things like quote explanations and things like that. Good job though. -Dean

I agree with dean, nice definition of masculine and thesis- ryan

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